On Being a Positive Male Role Model
Reflecting on my life in So
Dad, What Makes a Man, I found circumstances have often helped me become a
more mature Christian. Some lessons I embraced.
But when I didn't get the hint, I often ran into more similar situations with the
same lesson, until I did get it. For
example, at one time near midlife, I had a long run of having men around me whom I criticized
as being selfish, until I finally realized that I, too, am selfish.
I spent my first half of life trying to please my father,
then college professors, military officers, and corporate managers, fueled by a
lack of self-esteem. I tried to keep the peace and developed an aversion for
rancor that might presage an unfavorable--displeased--opinion from others. Some said my demeanor could be described by why can't we all just get along?
These days, circumstances around me are squashing the remnants
of people pleaser left in me. I'm
not sure how long ago it started, but I am conscious of people in the political
arena who not only believe their opinion is right, but also dismiss or
criticize any person who does not agree with them. Politicians who refuse to
talk about compromising their ideals, insisting all members of their group
believe everything they believe. Such
stances in both parties have created divisions in television networks, radio talk
shows, and religious groups. Some voters buy into one party's economic stances
but disagree with their social stances, or vice-versa. Division, division, division, even seeping
into choice of products and services, driven by the political stance of a
company's CEO.
To me as a spiritual director, who after my midlife
transition has come to accept other people as they are, the pendulum has swung
so far toward differences that commonalities no longer hold any
sway. Political party
affiliation seems the highest power, above national interests. That attack
rhetoric now mutes Abraham Lincoln's government of the people, by the people and for the people. Ditto for Patrick
Henry's united we stand, divided we fall
and our nation's Pledge of Allegiance: One
nation under God, indivisible. People
label others as socialist or worse
for placing importance on caring for the poor--a hallmark of Christian beliefs
mentioned at least one- hundred-fourteen times in the Bible* (http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/poor.htm).
I haven't found comfort in taking one side to condemn those on
the other side. I don't want to propagate the divisions. I believe we are all
children of God, all of us. And God is a God of love. Then I remembered I used
to say: hate the sin, not the sinner.
But these days, a part of me wants to condemn people for personal attacks. Is
it my old people-pleaser who is not loving the sinners? Why don't I stand up
for what I believe and let them do the same?
Just in time for the elections.
* Article by Howard Culbertson :
http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/
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